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With everything happening today
You don’t know whether you’re coming or going
But you think that you’re on your way
Life lined up on the mirror don’t blow it
Look at me when I’m talking to you
You looking at me but I’m looking through you
I see the blood in your eyes
I see the love in disguise
I see the pain hidden in your pride
I see you’re not satisfied
And I don’t see nobody else
I see myself I’m looking at the

 

Uh, I see the truth in your lies

I see nobody by your side
But I’m with you when you are all alone
And you correct me when I’m looking wrong
I see the guilt beneath the shame
I see your soul through your window pane
I see the scars that remain
I see you Wayne, I’m looking at the…

Looking at me now I can see my past

Damn I look just like my fucking dad
Light it up, that’s smoke in mirrors
I even look good in the broken mirror
I see my momma smile that’s a blessing
I see the change, I see the message
And no message could’ve been any clearer
So I’m startin’ with the man in the…

 

 

Then I start to reflect on myself and what better song to play than…Mirror on the wall!

 

As I stare at a picture of myself I can only motivate myself to be better. Not only do I smile but i’m actually proud of myself for become the person I am. But I also see the potential and looking past myself to see what is to come…I see the pain from today’s struggle but remind myself that it won’t last long. I see the lies, mistakes and disguise and remind myself that I am human and pat myself on the back for not giving up and folding because of trivial matters. I see my weakness and insecurities and embrace them because they will turn into strengths…because I see the message and no message could’ve been any clearer. And from the look in the mirror and reflection time- I am content with life! I understand the woman that I am! :)

 

I got ice in my veins, blood in my eyes
Hate in my heart, love in my mind
I seen nights full of pain, days of the same
You keep the sunshine, save me the rain
I search but never find, hurt but never cry
I work and forever try, but I’m cursed so never mind
And it’s worse but better times seem further and beyond
The top gets higher, the more that I climb
The spot gets smaller and I get bigger
Tryna get into where I fit in, no room for a nigga
But soon for a nigga it be on motherfucker
Cause all this bullshit, it made me strong motherfucker

 

It hurts but I never show, this pain you’ll never know
If only you could see just how lonely and how cold
And frostbit I’ve become, my back’s against the wall
When push comes to shove I just stand up and scream ‘Fuck ‘em all! ‘

 

This song has been on repeat for the passed several hours, its crazy how music can hit your souls spot. The lyrics highlight everything that you are going through as if you wrote or help compose the song.

 

I feel like these lyrics explain everything I feel right now. I feel like people are ….just unbelievable. Now matter how much you give, financially, emotionally, physically its never enough. There is always a hand out waiting to be filled. You can’t please them all, this I know but when does it headache ease up?  I don’t live for others- I do what makes me happy but for some odd reason what make me happy is helping and being there for others. I’m cursed so nevermind.  I give and expect nothing in return, however I am human and a thank you or smile would be more than enough gratitude.  I’m spreading myself too think there are more hands than thank yous. and its making me want to quit and just turn away but my purpose wont let me, so i;m cursed so nevermind.  So behind closed doors and the emotion less cries  I scream “Fuck ‘em all…and continue to give because i’m a prisoner to the grind.